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3am thoughts

I find myself thinking about my old circle of friends and whether or not it’s worth resuming contact with them. Spoiler alert, it’s not. Looking back, my self-imposed exile from that clique had little to do with how they treated me and more to do with I just didn’t want to be “that kind of Vincent” anymore. The Vincent who was friends with them but always continued to push the envelope of their friendship by showing off how different I was than their little Christian glee club. The Vincent that rebelled against their values just to see if they would stick around. The Vincent who wanted to be a part of that world despite every bone in his body telling him their beliefs would be their ruin.

Granted these people weren’t paradigms of virtue by any means. I remember this one girl I fancied in the circle who flat out said that people with AIDs brought it on themselves. I immediately stopped fancying her at that point. Then later when another of the circle got married to this utter asshat things really took a turn for the dumb. But I think what really brought us apart for good was the natural separation of high school fellowship, when we realized that we all had different paths and the dynamic that had brought us together could no longer sustain us.

At least that’s what I tell myself, when in reality I probably just outgrew them.

I still see remnants floating around my hometown. Parents of the former friends mostly. They keep me informed about their children, and I’m sure they tell them that they’ve seen me still working the same job I’ve had for 7 years. I think there was a time in my life I wanted to disappear just to see if they’d miss me. I think back on that now with embarrassment, that I put so much faith in that old circle and yet wanted to be proven wrong for some reason. Because really the painful truth is that no matter what I was always the outsider to them, the non-believer, the wild card, the one who couldn’t be trusted. And the weird part was that I cherished that role in their circle, the unpredictable loner poet asshole. But despite that status, I gave. I gave and I gave and I gave 110% to the that circle and celebrated that I was a part of large group for a change. Even though I never felt like I belonged, never felt fully welcomed, and in those finals days I got the realization that they didn’t really know me at all. Or cared to for that matter.

And who needs friends like that?

My circle is smaller now, but stronger than anything I have ever known and growing. We’re more than friends, but a family. I appreciate them and they appreciate me. They strengthen me instead of giving me excuses to rebel. I love them dearly, something that the old circle could never truly claim.

I don’t make friends very often or very well, so I hope you know how much your friendship and trust means to me guys. I love you all.

Alright enough prose, back to the pop culture, nudity, movie trailers and certified bullshit. ^_^

todallison:

this vine is better than all of paranormal activity

The fuck just happened?

(Source: vinebox)

About the Blogger

BASICS:

name: Vincent

birthday: November 20th

zodiac: Scorpio

single or taken: Taken, happily by the most wonderful woman I know.

height: 5’11

eye color: Green

middle name: Ian

favorite color: Purple

lucky number: 56

SPECIFICS/DETAILS:

hogwarts house: Ravenclaw

favorite fictional character: Joel Miller (The Last of Us)

favorite television show: The Venture Brothers, Sleepy Hollow, Longmire, True Detective, King of the Hill

favorite season: Autumn

describe yourself in a few words: Eclectic, Optimist, Cinema Addict

future children’s names: Anaïs, Ellie, Forrest, August

meaning of your name: Conqueror

ultimate otp: Tommy Wiseau and “Oh Hai Doggy”

what do you plan to/do for a living: something with writing, maybe something with meteorology. 

starbucks order: you’re fucking kidding right? Pure straight unsweetened Lemonade.

introvert or extrovert
dawn or dusk
righty or lefty
coffee or tea
rain or shine
reading or writing

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